Even as adults, we strive to feel like we fit in somewhere. Whether career wise or with a group of friends, we want to feel included and in being a part of something we feel we matter as individuals. When this is threatened, our defenses can come up and cause conflicts. Seeing others as part of a group and you are not, can make you feel hurt when you are not accepted. You might feel that this is a knock on who you are as a person and that you are simply not “good enough” for who you are. It can be taken as a personal assault on your character and the result can be feelings of sadness, depression and anxiety.
How do you overcome the feeling of not fitting in and being left out? First, recognize that it is not necessarily related to a personal flaw in your character or something that you did. It could be a number of reasons that a group has left you out. They may be a shallow group who have a sense of superiority and only include who they feel meets some standard (whatever that may be). It may be that you don’t really want friends like these in the first place! I know for me, I would want friends and groups to feel all inclusive and accepting of others. Those who leave others out may have some other agenda unrelated with anything having to do with you.
It is best to move on and find other groups, organizations you are interested in who accept you for who you are and are not the judgmental type. You may feel trapped by your daily life as you get stuck in our same routine of work, sleep, making meals, spending time with family. cleaning the house and getting up and doing it all over again. Break out of your routine and try a new sport, activity or fitness class to start you in a place where you have the opportunity to make new friends and join a new group. Without giving yourself the opportunities to engage in group activities, it will be that much harder for you to make new friends and establish where you fit in.
If you really want to feel like you fit in, be open and friendly with everyone you meet. You never know, one conversation can lead to many more and the development of new friendships can emerge. Strong, supportive relationships are a necessary part of a healthy self-esteem and overall wellness.
If you are struggling with feeling you don’t fit in or have difficulty make friends, call 919-618-6526 or email firstname.lastname@example.org for a free 20 minute consultation today!